Written by: Amanda Freidenberger
What can we learn from Twilight?
Bella Swan is caught in a love triangle with Edward, the vampire, and Jacob, the werewolf. Both men are competing for her attention and her love. She is confused and likes both of them. Jacob is the son of her father's best friend and friendship is all she really wants from him. She feels a strong connection with Edward and soon is in a serious relationship with him.
Jacob
Bella becomes friends with Jacob and they start spending a lot of time together. Her father is close friends with Jacob's father so they are encouraged to work on their friendship and do things together. Bella develops feelings for Jacob, but her feelings do not develop because she has such strong feelings for Edward. Jacob is a good friend and he encourages her to be herself. He helps her become familiar with the area and introduces her to his friends. She feels comfortable when she is with him, she can be herself. She doesn't feel like she is judged for being clumsy and awkward. But when Jacob transforms into a werewolf, he becomes very judgmental towards Bella's friends and Edward and his family. He does not like the idea of Bella spending time with vampires because they are so dangerous. Werewolves are dangerous species too and have a very short temper, especially when they are learning how to deal with the transformation. Bella needs to calm him down numerous times when his temper flares and he is on the verge of phasing into a wolf. She feels the need to protect him and makes excuses for him, that he has a hard time controlling his temper. He cannot control his derogatory comments towards the vampires and calls them names and attempts to make her feel guilty about being around them.
Edward
Bella is very clumsy and Edward feels the need to "protect" her. He sneaks into her room at night and watches her sleep, he tries to prohibit her from going to see her other friends. When she does go with her other friends, Edward always shows up and takes her away from them, he does not tell her much information about himself but insists on her life story and her thoughts. He convinces her that she needs him around to protect her and that she is a danger to herself. He convinces her that all of his acts are completely normal and romantic. He does not like the idea of Bella hanging out with the werewolves. He says that they are too dangerous to be around because they cannot control themselves. He is always trying to convince her that she should only be with him, but when she is willing to devote herself to him, he tries to push her away. He doesn't have anything nice to say about Jacob and the other wolves. He occupies all of her time and leaves very little time for her to maintain any other relationships. When he leaves Bella, to protect her, he feels that he cannot continue eternity without her. He goes to Italy and visits the Volturi to convince them to kill him.
Bella
Bella really likes both of these guys and has a bond with both of them. She puts off other relationships to spend all of her time with either Edward or Jacob. She doesn't have any desire to spend time with her "normal" friends from school. When Edward takes the steps to protect her from his dangerous tendencies, she falls apart. She goes through a deep depression, having no desire for life. She finally snaps out of that and starts spending a lot more time with Jacob. She realizes that when she is in the face of danger she has hallucinations about Edward. The only reason she spends so much time with Jacob is because she knows he is willing to do anything for her. She leads him on so that he takes her on adventures. Jacob is under the wrong impression, he feels that she is genuinely enjoying herself, when she is just using him to "see" Edward in her hallucinations.
What can we learn about dating from the Hunger Games?
In The Hunger Games, Katniss too is caught up in a love triangle. She is very independent and self-sufficient, spending the majority of her days going into the woods and hunting and gathering to provide for her mother and little sister.
Katniss and Gale
Katniss almost always goes out with her hunting partner, Gale. They both have strengths and weaknesses and use each other to provide food to their families. Gale and Katniss have a bond and trust each other with secrets and dreams. They spend hours in the woods together hunting and gathering and talking. She feels comfortable with him, that she doesn't have to be anything other than herself. She doesn't think she has any other type of feelings for him, other than a friend.
Katniss and Peeta
Katniss really does not like Peeta. She remembers the time when they were younger and he gave her a loaf of bread so she could feed her family. She felt indebted to him and that was about it. She really never gave him much serious thought. When they were being interviewed, before going into the arena, she found out that he has been secretly in love with her for many years. Throughout the games, she realizes that she needs to team up with him in order to win. She needs to save him so that she can win the game and needs supplies in order to do that. She quickly realizes that the sponsors want a show of affection and love between them, so she treats him nicely and gives them what they want to see in order to get the supplies and food. While in the arena, she forms a bond with him, I think, because they only have each other and she is lonely. Every time she kisses him or shows affection to him, she feels guilty. She realizes that she really likes Gale more than she thought. Peeta goes through the games thinking that she has developed feelings towards him. After the games are over and she knows she is going back to see Gale, she tells Peeta that it was all a game in order to win.
What do we learn?
All of these acts seem romantic and harmless because they are written in a fiction book. Teenagers are reading this book at a crucial time in their life. They are learning who they are and developing their personalities. Teens are more susceptible to learning "acceptable" behavior from the popular fiction that they become so engrossed.
But is Twilight and The Hunger Games a positive role model for teens to learn relationship behavior? Is it a detrimental text that breeds unhealthy habits?
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship Behavior
A healthy relationship is based on:
·
Mutual respect
·
Trust
·
Honesty
·
Support
·
Fairness and Equality
·
Separate Identities
·
Good communication
·
A sense of playfulness/fondness
Characteristics of a healthy relationship:
· Take care of yourself and have good self-esteem
independent of your relationship
·
Maintain and respect each other’s individuality
·
Maintain relationships with friends and family
·
Have activities apart from one another
·
Are able to express yourself to one another
without fear of consequences
·
Are able to feel secure and comfortable
·
Allow and encourage other relationships
·
Take interest in one another’s activities
·
Do not worry about violence in the relationship
·
Trust each other and be honest with each other
·
Have the option for privacy
·
Have respect for sexual boundaries
·
Are honest about sexual activity if it is a
sexual relationship
·
Accept influence. Relationships are give and
take; allowing your partner to influence you is important
·
Resolve conflict fairly: Fighting is part of
even healthy relationships, the difference is how the conflict is handled. Fighting fairly is an important skill to help
you have a healthier relationship
While in an unhealthy relationship you:
·
Put one person before the other by neglecting
yourself or your partner
·
Feel pressure to change who you are for the other
person
·
Feel worried when you disagree with the other
person
·
Feel pressure to quit activities you usually or
used to enjoy
·
Pressure the other person into agreeing with you
or changing to suit you better
·
Notice one of you has to justify your actions
(where you go, who you see)
·
Notice one partner feels obligated to have sex
or has been forced
·
Have a lack of privacy, and may be forced to
share everything with the other person
·
You or your partner refuse to use safer sex
methods
·
Notice arguments are not settled fairly
·
Experience yelling or physical violence during
an argument
·
Attempt to control or manipulate each other
·
Notice your partner attempts to control how you
dress and criticizes your behaviors
·
Do not make time to spend with one another
·
Have no common friends, or have a lack of
respect for each other’s friends and family
·
Notice an unequal control of resources
·
Experience a lack of fairness and equality
Additional information
24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotlines (7 days a week)National Bilingual Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (-7233)
Go Ask Alice (Columbia University)
Quiz: How's Your Relationship? (Gottman Institute)
Ten Tips for Healthy Relationships (Kansas State University Counseling Center)
http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/content/clinics/family-health/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships
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